We tend inflict so much suffering upon ourselves through negative self talk. It’s really amazing when you think about it. So much suffering due to words running through our minds…

One tool for overcoming negative self-talk is to call it what it is. I’ll say more about that in a minute. Here is my list of the top ten things to avoid saying to yourself.

1. I’m not worth it.

This is a direct assault on your self-esteem and it is simply not true! Telling yourself you are not “worth it” only perpetuates negative beliefs you may have picked up early in life.

2. There’s no use.

Telling yourself there is no use steals your personal power and leaves you with no motivation.

3. I can’t do it.

There are times when you truly cannot do something, however, most of the time this one is delivered as more of a self-attack than a statement of fact.

4. I’ll never follow through.

This is a set up for failure before you really get started. We all know that success comes one day at a time. Telling yourself you will fail before you get started is shooting yourself in the foot.

5. People won’t like me.

A set up for rejection. When you enter a new situation telling yourself that people won’t like you, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

6. Others are better than I am.

We all tend to compare ourselves to others. Sometimes we exercise prejudice against ourselves, though. Telling yourself that others are better than you is an assault on your self-worth.

7. I am not enough.

A huge one for people who feel inadequate to meet the demands of life. A sense of personal inadequacy is very discouraging – don’t reinforce it!

8. I must be perfect.

The way to guarantee failure is to criticize yourself whenever you are imperfect, which is all the time. We are perfectly imperfect!

9. My opinion doesn’t matter.

More low self-esteem in this statement. To say this one to yourself, you must consider yourself unworthy.

10. I’ll never be any different.

We say this as if we are written failure into stone. It’s a hopeless thought. Just say no to this one!

What To Do About Negative Self-Talk

Follow these steps to get a better handle on your negative self-talk:

1. Catch yourself. So often we run on autopilot and allow our minds to ruin our day. So, start each day with the conscious goal to catch yourself saying negative things.

2. Call a spade a spade. Next, label what you just said! Recognize it as negative self talk.

3. Use the following formula: “I just had the thought…” (repeat the negative thought here).

If you caught youself saying, “I am not worth it,” for example, then you would pause and say, “I just had the thought, ‘I am not worth it.’”

Using this formula securely labels the thought as a mere thought. If you do not realize that what you said was just a thought, you run a higher risk of taking it personally and allowing it to ruin your day.

4. Take a deep breath and move on!

By Mike Bundrant

One way to improve your happiness, to feel better, and to help reach your goals is to make sure you get enough sleep here are some ways to help improve your sleep.

• Avoid using over-the-counter or prescription sleep medications. While medications can be useful in the short-run, they can be habit forming, they can disrupt the quality of sleep, and they can produce troubling side-effects.
• Establish a consistent sleep schedule. Go to bed and get up at regular times every day, even on weekends.
• Avoid naps.
• Only use your bed for sleeping–don’t use it for reading, watching TV, or other activities.
• If you don’t fall asleep within 30 minutes of going to bed, get out of bed and engage in a boring activity (e.g., read a boring text book) until you find yourself falling asleep.
• Doing something relaxing before bedtime can improve your sleep. Try taking a hot bath or shower, try listening to relaxing music, or try doing a relaxation exercise.
• Regular exercise often improves sleep, but don’t engage in vigorous exercise within a few hours of your bedtime.
• Avoid alcohol and other drugs. Review the labels of any over-the-counter or prescription medications you are taking and see if any of these might be disrupting your sleep. Do not drink anything that contains caffeine after noon.
• If having to get up to urinate during the night is a problem, avoid drinking any fluids in the hours before bedtime.
• If you suffer from heartburn at night, eat your evening meal early, and avoid foods that trigger heartburn.
• If noise keeps you up, try using ear plugs, try using a “white noise” machine (a fan can work), or play restful background music or nature sounds.
• If working odd hours, darken your room when it is time to sleep and turn on bright lights when it is time to be awake.
• Consistency and predictability are the biggest keys to developing good sleep habits.

New research from the science of positive psychology has found a number of practical exercises you can do to boost your happiness and decrease your depression.
Choose one of the following 7 exercises and practice it for 1 week:
• Three funny things: Write down the three funniest things that you experienced or participated in each day; also write about why the funny thing happened (e.g., was it something you created, something you observed, something spontaneous?). In addition to happiness, this will also boost your character strength of humor.
• Gift of time: Offer the “gift” of your time to three different people this week. This might be in the form of time spent, helping someone around their house, or sharing a meal with someone who is lonely. These “gifts” should be in addition to your planned activities. This will also boost your character strength of love.
• Counting kindness: Keep a log of all the kind acts that you do in a particular day. Jot them down by the end of each day. Your kindness strength will benefit.
• One door closes, another door opens: Consider a moment in your life when a negative event led to positive consequences that you were not expecting. Write about this each day. This will also boost your character strength of hope.
• Gratitude letter/visit: Write a letter of gratitude to someone who has had a positive impact on you. If feasible, you might consider delivering the letter to the person. Your gratitude strength and other strengths will benefit. [It is important to first weigh the pros and cons of delivering such a letter.]
• Three good things: Jot down three things that went well for you each day and give an explanation as to why these good things occurred. This will also boost your character strength of gratitude.
• Use your signature strengths in a new way: This is the most popular of all positive psychology exercises. Take the VIA Survey that asks you about your character strengths. Choose one of your highest strengths (your signature strengths) and use it in a new way each day. For tips on how to use any of the 24 character strengths in a new way, go here.

Consider this…
• If you don’t like the idea of writing these exercises out, consider having a planned discussion each day for a week about the exercise with someone in your life.
• Make sure you practice the exercise for a full week. Take notice of the impact it has.

Reference: Gander, F., Proyer, R. T., Ruch, W., & Wyss, T. (2012). Strength-based positive interventions: Further evidence for their potential in enhancing well-being. Journal of Happiness Studies.